Really?

I am still a little kid when it comes to some things.
I swear to G I used to think keeping my shoes tied was going to be my biggest problem as a kid.
What is it going to take to show you I stay laced up.

I still have problems talking to the opposite sex. Freezing up, getting too shy, and coming off like I don't give a fuck. Most people say I gotta treat em like I don't like them. Be their friend. Cause I know I do more for my friends than for a dude I like.

Just feel me on this....there's only one person who puts me in the "I WILL DO WHATEVER. WHENEVER. HOW EVER" kind of mind set. No matter how many guys I get to talking to, dating, and chillen. There's only one I really want to build with. Only one I want to be near. It's the same person I feel like I have to let go in order to grow up.

It is killing me how much he stays on my mind. I'll be driving over to his house in the NORTH to come in for FIVE minutes to say HI, make up some dumb ass excuse as to why I am there, and dip because I feel like I'LL EXPLODE if I stay. I will run back each and every time, and put $4.21 per gallon worth of gas to see him for only 5 minutes before I decide I need to run far away. This is how I close one door, just to have one foot in the other.

Dear Love,

you kill me.


I will miss the certain aspects of what used to be our relationship.

-when you walk away pissed it would make me want to hold you tighter
-how stupid our jokes would be.
-the politicking we get into when it comes to the EAST COAST and THE WEST COAST
-You trying to teach me to go hyphy
-when it rains you'll stand over me
-when you're sick we'll just cuddle till you feel better
-you always find my hand to hold. always.

As lame and weenie like as it sounds. I miss all that...and trying to establish anything with anyone else is hard.

That's the effort in trying.

You put yourself out there fully ready to get blown away.


Despite everything. You wait.

I wait. There is nothing worse than waiting in vain.

Waiting for him to get his life together.

Waiting out the worst

Waiting to get left behind

Waiting for someone to prove you wrong.

.....


So we go on in this existence waiting. Just maybe, I don't want to wait for anything stated above to happen anymore.


No. I am not going Lesbian.