It's the effort

So it has come to this. I am frustrated.

I have become worn out from keeping people happy.
I have been isolating myself
except from fasa

I have been slacking in school.

I need to straighten up.



Most of all...no more guys.















I throw it all off in my mind. No time for relationships I say. No time like now. I don't want to disapoint anyone anymore.




sad.














I can be happy surrounded by couples. I just can't make the x's smile.




roar.
















sigh




Sometimes it's just better to say what you feel.


Im going to go write now.

UNREQUITED

the poetry of a person
found in the depths of a kiss and affection
with breaths of life
put into every moment spent wishing
that this love was
"unconditional"
because for every beat of the heart
a song is played
for every person
a ballad is made
though words to the song are never spoken
the beats per minute
the spindle woven
and at times it tends to skip a beat
love's the same

rewind
fast forward
and repeat
every person has a song that verses arent written for
yet so little people listen for the beat
cause they're too busy looking for the lyrical
here it goes
my hearts poured out onto the floor

and we could dance to the tune
cause this is love UNCONDITIONAL

unconditionally, lovingly, hatefully
despising the words that don't come out
when the reprise comes up and the bridge fades out
and I feel as though I'm not worth this moment at all
cause i could pain myself trying to let you hear my song
yet so many songs are played for you
with mishappened beats
and a cliched word or two
rhyming love with above
and baby i'll be your lady
and Ill love you forever and a day..(maybe)
bump-ba-bump
my steady beat plays
and that's all I have

a beat

that only your face
your touch your love
activates to play
it races
it paces
and it's fine tuned to the the smile that creeps across your face
I'm so hazy cause my feelings aren't clairvoyant
so my heart grows weary from an empty audience
clap for a lonely entertainer
smile at her meek behaivior
tell her to be the listener
and not the player
acknowledge that you think you know something that might help her
words of advice or empathetic whispers
and still just a beat is played
and nothing is heard
fighting to find the right words

crush

crumpled up papers (done)

Spent too much time
Ive procrastinated enough to say
love
gave him a number and told him to wait

i wasnt ready


see i took pens and papers
lines and staplers
trying to write a composition worth
handing to you in a form of a note
pass it to you
like we used to in highschool
hope, you would find it cute
and pass it back
circle the yes
under the question
Do you like me yet?

except I let myself put that note in my back pocket with a rocket
my friend once told me could lift up my conscience

but like the note it never left the ground


paper never made so much sound
i never felt so much doubt
crumpled up hearts
never sounded so loud
paragraphs never covered more ground

small pieces are left
wind swept
meant to never be found

but then

oh love
do you complete it
piecing paper and glue
managing to save it

read it
repeat it
make paper hearts beat

and
make written word
speak

press papers against your chest

cease and regress

on how i took the words out my mouth and put it on a pad
stuffed it in my pocket and gave up on what i had

ripped it into pieces
to spread across the land
to have you re-piece it
and place it in your hand

so that you can read it
and tell me you said yes



yes......

my conscience rocket launched

"One small step for man......"

EHhh

vacate

intro: he is familiar love....my love that is familiar and comfortable to me

he gets me in ways no one has ever

i pray i do the same

start:

warm breathing on my ear
caressing feeling down the small of my back
he's making his move



to steal my heart





the defenses are set
my walls have codes
that are already preset
my locks stay cold
combination are 18 digits long
but hes breaking all of them down
and the walls fall by the ton

and my heart goes into a wild poetic rhetoric



why is a man who loves me feel the need to physically implore my body
and hit all the sensual spots marked with x and give the uttarance of sex
but brings me into a world a intimacy
could it be that he loves...?

no!
im wrong
eject
this has happened before
but he goes my my neck
wait
is this fated?
or infatuation?
mixed with a need of love and a grasp for lust between my leg's sensation
wait
he said he loved me
he grasps my heart
commands attention of my eyes
and takes hold of my soul
and wouldnt let go
im scared
but he wont let go
im frightened
but he wont let
go im easing into his arms
and letting my heart open up to his
wrapped in a mix of physical and emotional bliss
penetrating walls that he was only meant for
..only he can make me feel this way
make me feel safe with who i am inside and out emotionally physically

praying

that his love wont run out

like i did



i want him to stay and have my kid



kids



like boys and girl with my eyes his skin my lip his chin my smirk his hair my nails his height my arms his hands

his

mine

ours

us



will continue i am tired














working on it

Working

So Mike and I are bored and Im on myspace >.<

supposed to be studying oo wellllll illlll write somethinggggg weeeeeee



Infinite skies are in my dreams
holding the screams
i yell loudly in my head
persisting the resistence you present
as you hold your heart clutched in your hand
vice gripped hard locked on it
fingers hold tight
beating slow its ebonics
each beat per minute
begging
BEATING
to put it where it belongs
Me


-will get back

transporting words

if grief is tangible then happiness is conceptual

I live in days of remembrence over courtesies and caresses
poetic sentences uttered out the end of your fingertips
eloquence equaled by rhyme and repitence
over spindled beats and un hooked lines
made me remember when
it was you and i




see i would like to view the world obscured
faces blanked out by white with absence of emotion
if it could make my ignorant bliss endure and relieve my tension
but reality makes me a better fighter
so with clenched fists i grit words
that slip mouths like ventriloquists
till i am heard
and respected here after

im not saying it but i am

angry

trying to forget
the burns your words left me