I don't want to sleep on the UK

whatever it is they're doing. They got so much soul over there.

I try to hold on to you

I love J.Rawls.

I've been super busy lately. Firework stand. Work. The ex.

I don't even know where to begin. Its truly over whelming.


but




I met someone. It's not a ....
I met someone...

more like I knew someone...but now I KNOW him. The conversation was just so real.
I am enlightened like never before.

He was full of knowledge. Crazy cool. Confident. Real smooth.

It was...more of a....this cat had his life in order.
It's attractive.....

he got a job
drove a car
independent of himself

He was smart...and he blew me away.

I see him in a whole different light. I wondered why I never talked to him before.

refreshing.

Not jumping into things. Talking to other guys really isn't my steez right now.

However....

I made a new friend.

tell me a story

I promise I'll leave the past where it belongs in exchange for an understanding.


I am not perfect. I did not say I would try to be.

I am hurt beyond what eyes and ears comprehend when you're around me. Believe me I bleed. I just keep to myself and I will smile for the better of whatever it is I am involved with. Do not mistake my going out for craving attention or become that "party girl"...I just can't be at home...I am restless.

relationship wise...right now


I'm tired.


Love is Biblical...not Godly but deeply rooted in faith.

Important enough to tell the greatest stories man has ever heard...about deceit trust, belief, cheating, dying and coming back to life, forgiveness, spite, punishment ect. It had to be translated into thousands of different Languages and spread across the world.


I just want to chill with my bible.



re-gain my faith.

You Can't Please Everyone

I officially did it today.

Day of all days


The Horror..The horror



I have managed to throw off so many people in the SPAN OF ONE WEEKEND.
THE CHERRY ON THE FUCKIN TOP ON THE STUPID ASS ICE CREAM.

Really though.


What can I do.

What can I do?

I got so much love on my side.


"I feel neglected."

HOW CAN I FIX THAT WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THAT. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
I AM SORRY.


IVE BEEN DOING IT AGAIN...NEGLECTING PEOPLE
IM SORRY.
I WANTED TO EXPAND MY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.

WHAT HAPPENS? I MOVE AWAY FROM THOSE WHO MATTER.

fuck everything I was doing before...

Ill do good on this.

I promise



I love you guys.



fuccccckkk maaaaan



Why is it when things seems ok that they're not.

"Do you, Laura, do you."

I did.....

and then what happened?


This hurts. More than anything this breaks me. I am always one to not be fazed when shit doesn't work out. This...this really hurts.


Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.


To all my FAKE CATS


"Running up on me like you miss me, you catchin the wrong vibe...............I say my piece and then I hush."

-Big Boi




I don't play the field.
I just watch the game.

boom cat.

Bite Your TONGUE

I just got into a fight with my brother/best friend.

This time I am not sugar coating anything.


I am not going to keep protecting you.

It is time to grow up.

I am at peace

Depsite the fact there was a typhoon in the Phillipines
My cousin is garduating and I won't be there for her
My other cousin has finally set up his clothing line
my grandma is sick, and I miss her with everything I got
my sister just broke up with her boyfriend
I've gotten distant from my parents
We're in a state of debt and the only people bringing in income
is my mom and me.
I miss my friends. They're going on to bigger and better things.
I've seen 3 bums on the same corner.
One of them had a baby.

I am at peace.....I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't change the world.

I just have to do my part to help.

Really?

I am still a little kid when it comes to some things.
I swear to G I used to think keeping my shoes tied was going to be my biggest problem as a kid.
What is it going to take to show you I stay laced up.

I still have problems talking to the opposite sex. Freezing up, getting too shy, and coming off like I don't give a fuck. Most people say I gotta treat em like I don't like them. Be their friend. Cause I know I do more for my friends than for a dude I like.

Just feel me on this....there's only one person who puts me in the "I WILL DO WHATEVER. WHENEVER. HOW EVER" kind of mind set. No matter how many guys I get to talking to, dating, and chillen. There's only one I really want to build with. Only one I want to be near. It's the same person I feel like I have to let go in order to grow up.

It is killing me how much he stays on my mind. I'll be driving over to his house in the NORTH to come in for FIVE minutes to say HI, make up some dumb ass excuse as to why I am there, and dip because I feel like I'LL EXPLODE if I stay. I will run back each and every time, and put $4.21 per gallon worth of gas to see him for only 5 minutes before I decide I need to run far away. This is how I close one door, just to have one foot in the other.

Dear Love,

you kill me.


I will miss the certain aspects of what used to be our relationship.

-when you walk away pissed it would make me want to hold you tighter
-how stupid our jokes would be.
-the politicking we get into when it comes to the EAST COAST and THE WEST COAST
-You trying to teach me to go hyphy
-when it rains you'll stand over me
-when you're sick we'll just cuddle till you feel better
-you always find my hand to hold. always.

As lame and weenie like as it sounds. I miss all that...and trying to establish anything with anyone else is hard.

That's the effort in trying.

You put yourself out there fully ready to get blown away.


Despite everything. You wait.

I wait. There is nothing worse than waiting in vain.

Waiting for him to get his life together.

Waiting out the worst

Waiting to get left behind

Waiting for someone to prove you wrong.

.....


So we go on in this existence waiting. Just maybe, I don't want to wait for anything stated above to happen anymore.


No. I am not going Lesbian.

Peace

hmm california.

I Keep Hearing Things

IN MY ROOM......like whispering.....

sigh

whoever is reading this COME VISIT ME AT WORK TOMORROW

I KNOW PEOPLE ARE READING THIS BUT DON'T COMMENT


it
is
weird


anyway. What's really good =)

Cupcaking at Brittany's !!!!!!!

no really<33333333

Love it.



FABULOUS

Nothing but Stars
the Company<3 8D
music<333 LAURYN HILL UNPLUGGED
warm weather
lights eminating from the strip
and a pool




I don't want to get over this feeling.

ever.

"I won't have no more of this passin me by"

Don't Set Yourself Up To Fall In Love

Talked to the homies. They understand the concept of getting out of vegas.

Been through too many fake people.
Bad Situations.
Liars.
Bad Relationships.
fucked Up Dudes
laggin on the Education


I've heard it all. Well Laura, that's LIFE. It's not easy and things don't work out.
The besties understand. It won't be long till everyone has left this City.

I don't care anymore.

Aside from my friends and family.I can't dig this place. Everything here was meant to be a fantasy for anyone who came to visit. If you live here it's all one big STAGE. Anywhere you wanna act, you can drive to. Wanna hear a Taxi in NY...NYNY is where it's at. Wanna eat a croissant in Paris? Grab a crepe while you're at it. Explore the (suicide) pyrimids? Luxor. Feel free to feel up on Lancelot at Excalibur..I mean what the feez. I am not at home. I honsetly tried.

What needs to be done

1. Having some home grown GOOD DJ's to mix. DJ's who rep Vegas...who are really up on shit..DJ's who don't claim LA, the Bay, or some other CITY, DJ's who let their skills speak for themselves....Dj's who don't HYPE themselves up.
2. Giving the 18 & over crowd some venues that aren't the size of Mc Donalds, and aren't ware houses. Though Warehouse parties are dope. They get broken up way too easily.
3. Offering more than REC centers and High School auditoriums to show case YOUNG TALENT.
4. Put Basements in houses. Basement=Basement Party=No DTP=No cops breaking shit up at 12 o'clock.
5. We need some sky scrapers.
6. we need more chivalry.
7. we need less skanks killin it for the rest of us.
8. We need more good guys aka (Chris, Nick, Nerry..ect)
9. A better public transportation system
10. CHEAPER GAS

NY Don't Love YOU.


Im done.

Obliteration

Talking to Mike....

makes me miss him terribly.


I am a sucker for words.

"I gave her a beautiful bouquet of,
poetry.
and she managed to take each word
and carefully,
meticulously,
throw every word back down my throat
until i was convicted
of putting words in my own mouth.

love her

i painted her name amongst the stars
in the most beautiful calligraphy.
held her hand when she fell,
and let her go when I stumbled.
and carefully,
slowly,
she ignored my enigmatic portrait,
and kept her hands too busy for me,
free of tax.

love her

i read psalms to her palms,
breathing in every smile she evoked
singing her heart into a love blessed slumber
and carefully,
anxiously,
she sang along with her headphones
while i read to her,
and read 'i love you' notes from other brothers,
to ignore my melodic singing,
pretending to sleep, until i left her.

love her

but now i've left.
i've packed my bags
well…bag,
and headed down an unfamiliar road
that hasn't greeted me so openly
for quite some time.
i'm hurt, betrayed, lost…
yet excited.

still love her"


his words =/


I hate to love his poetry.

It used to be that everyday was a challenge to avoid the pictures, blogs, and myspaces I was so used to treading on.

I am ok. Been getting on with things.

Moving at my own pace. Which feels good.

Things are looking up. Planning on the big move. =D


I miss my besties.



I havent seen them since I got a car and freedom to roam around at all hours of the night. I miss them super much. I never realized how relationships really pull people. I never realized that I must have missed out on so many things being with him. You know you miss your best friends when the only way to see them is to agree on a double date. LOL no thanks next time =D

Brit's come to be the closest thing to a girl friend since ERICA and BLYTHE.
Girls who don't judge me. Just are there, not to be seen. Just to be foundation when you need it.

I am glad she's there to hear me out. I want to be there for her too.


This Summer has been the best one so far.
I only have my friends to thank for that one. North Town is my second home. Though very far..well worth the drive.


Gas prices are kicking my ass though. I am not up there as much....

hopefully I will be soon.



<333 much love

MIA.

chill.

i spit game cause baby i can't talk it.

word?


a conversation...weak game that was...cute?

So when I say slow........
-I would Respect that
So when I say relationships get ill
-I say The Roots? *(smiles)
ooo Brownie Points
-you're counting?
Maybe..
-numbers.....can be complicated.
I dunno I like lots of numbers on my paycheck
-I only like 7.
That's an....ok number. Just not on a paycheck
-No I like 7 different numbers preferably ones that connect me to you.
Ewww you lost like 28 brownie points just now.
-Do I still have 7?

oo ya think you're sllliiiccckkk




Good night. Bad morning. woke up sick, and lonely. I miss having someone to come through and take care of me, and cuddle while I slept. That's the sucky thing about being in relationships for so long. You get used to the simple comforts of another person's company. Then the day comes when you gotta convince yourself you don't need anyone to be happy. Those lonely stretches do get at you sometimes. Eh.. I got pillows. LMAO

I really want to see BLU. I also really want to see Nerry.
Nerry Wins by a landslide.


I'll see him another day


It weird cause before he got all big and shit...with about 400 something plays to his name I would be messaging dude to come and perform in Vegas. No one knew who the fuck he was. I was straight up giddy about it. His manager would be like "yeah find us a venue we don't care we'll come through". Even before NOCANDO said that his album was under-rated...I was on top of all that. Forgive the fan-girl status but He got me on the first hook. KERBLOAW! He was here for MAGIC....and he's coming again.

I hate how insanely close I am to being 21. If anything...its the shows I wish to go to...fuck the clubs...

I have a crush on him. Weak ass.



siiggghh.






"BABE CAN WE JUST CUDDLE!!!!!!!!!"-Aika

I miss that
I miss NT
I miss California.
I am tired of missing shit.


/edit/

I think I am exclusive to someone. I think. Shrugs.

/re-edit/


NOPE.

Choux

I paid off my ticket. This stress has been lifted off my shoulders. I edited-re-edited-andmessed around with the coding for my layout...buuutt in the end. This site hates what I do.

Keeping up with the Jones's?

HAHA funny.
Interesting factoid today...

I got kicked out of my store today cause I wore PRO-KEDs

no joke they told me as a sales rep...that I couldn't wear these shoes. I got walked out and that was it. The store is completely SHOE-RACIST. I don't know. I should probably have brought my vans/converses/flip flops.

Whatever the fuck. I spent my day in MUNICIPAL COURT. Fun stuff with the Mommadukes. Got to talking about direction, and well California it is! I'll be up and out of here as soon as I finish my classes. Maybe it will help to leave this place behind. Honestly am tired. This place wears me out. Everyday trying to figure out what is out there.

Besides A Good Party

You know....someone is trippin off of E, getting high in the backyard, swimming naked in the pool, and fucking in the bathroom.

What's to say I am not 21. I've done pretty much everything a 21 year old has. Probably done more things as a 20 year old than a 24 yr old. Maybe excluding other things. I don't do sexcapades. First time I heard about those I nearly tripped off myself. LOL


Dear G,

"word. Thanks for reminding me why I am celibate."


Best conversation I have had in a long time.


Clubs. Drinks. Drugs. Guys. Hangovers. Sleepless Nights. Energy Drinks. Sweat. Music. Dancing. Dizzy. VIP. Down for WHATEVEr. Sushi....<3

I used to do nights like this last summer. Now I just wanna tone down. Do some dope things. Gain some knowledge. Go to new places.

I have a list of things to do before I leave Vegas.


-tell everyone how I feel
-learn to break (all over again)
-walk Fremont at night
-go Cliff Diving
-attend my friend's wedding
-make more girl friends
-go to a outdoor theatre
-All day at a park
-Visit an art Museum (on any other day but FIRST FRIDAY)
-Go to a Poetry Slam
-Attend an Open Mic
-Go to an Electro Dance Party
-Meet more people
-get a better job
-go on a date with the best friend (mark)
-Throw Hieu a going away party
-buy me those supras.
-listen to more music
-Watch the Sunrise on the Strip.
-learn to skateboard
-go to the gym
-finish pre med
-hold on to my friends
-quit flaking
-I don't have to find the right guy
I just want to proove

when it comes to dating

"not all guys are the same"****


more will be added to the list. Hopefully more things will be taken off it.







aside from all the crazyness of this week I can't wait till the weekend.....<4

Friday- ??????
Saturday- Brit's DD, Nerry's n Chris's Bday
Sunday- RA, Chris is DD






oh and btw
"I miss you"







-gay

Love Sick

I can't wait till Sunday Morning =D

Yet another great day.

You Know What They Say...

"Things happen for a reason."



I wasted my time. What's the reason for that?

I wonder the word "try".

So I talked to Mike today. We barely hit each other up now a days. It's good to hear his voice. I miss him.


Like all other things I gotta pick up and go.

Just go.

I try.

Other than that I need to put up some pictures.

It's All Bullshit

Come on Summer.......


give me a sign.

Should I leave...should I stay...

I hate this feeling like whatever choice I make might just screw me over.


If Tim is reading this...


I DO HAVE INTELLECTUAL THOUGHTS.....and I like to curse..it is fun and adds emphasis.


Either way


"you know what love is....."

mmhhmm

Skipping the records is the thing for today.

anyway gunna go look for the rest of my day. =/

Let's Not Jump To Conclusions

but...


Did I do something wrong?

Everyday is Saturday Night

but I can't wait till Sunday Morning.