Real Talk

Its maybe just the weather, or maybe I am thinking too much. Things I felt I could let go become huge obstacles to get over. I thought I was so strong. Now I feel helpless, and angry.

Granted I've been blessed with the presence of my friends and family.
Just these days I think about how much people have changed. Maybe it's my turn to do so.

Change...

I have done so many many many times. Yet to square one I come falling back. I can't unlearn the things I am so used to. I can't say "oh I just don't care". I do and at times I feel like kicking myself for doing so. For caring...for giving...for loving....for letting myself do those things so easily.

I am giving myself up for the hopes that someone will give something back to me. I deserve more than what I've been dealt, and with tears I can admit that to myself. That I admit that I accept that I am treated less than a human being when I offer my heart. Even more so......I've accepted that treatment, and swallowed it. Now it's left me scared.

.....alone.


Not loving...not needing...not wanting....anything...or anyone

I feel liberated

and really numb...


its cold