the pieces don't fit anymore

I did it...for myself

I cried my heart out last night
and today

The pain will not go away


and for now

I will endure it

No more relapses

it's time to pick myself up.

for the level headed and understanding that take the hand of a poor person and shoots the skies with smiles ill miss you like the verse to a song that people only know the chorus to
and ill fly by life by knowing your presence was fallible and clench my fists to hold my anger in cause i know that it takes forgiveness to be able to love you
cause here your lies hold no tangible in respect to the fact you hold me in no priority or value
i wish i could embrace the past cause that was you that i saw in my eyes that was once

special

more than anything i want to feel anything other than what i feel right now
given that I could erase my emotions and paint a pale blue sky and whisper to the clouds
hi
his eyes can lie to my face and place stabs that penetrate deep into the subconscious and if love has its alibis he can commit double homocide
within his murmurs
till he can bleed me dry of what im worth to cover up the evidence in his words
poetic bullshitter of my world performs his sonnets while kickin my soul into the dirt
i wanna be so far into the ground that i want to hear the politics of worms shifting through dreams while shitting their thoughts out their ass

so it won't hurt


and maybe ill learn

Real Talk

Its maybe just the weather, or maybe I am thinking too much. Things I felt I could let go become huge obstacles to get over. I thought I was so strong. Now I feel helpless, and angry.

Granted I've been blessed with the presence of my friends and family.
Just these days I think about how much people have changed. Maybe it's my turn to do so.

Change...

I have done so many many many times. Yet to square one I come falling back. I can't unlearn the things I am so used to. I can't say "oh I just don't care". I do and at times I feel like kicking myself for doing so. For caring...for giving...for loving....for letting myself do those things so easily.

I am giving myself up for the hopes that someone will give something back to me. I deserve more than what I've been dealt, and with tears I can admit that to myself. That I admit that I accept that I am treated less than a human being when I offer my heart. Even more so......I've accepted that treatment, and swallowed it. Now it's left me scared.

.....alone.


Not loving...not needing...not wanting....anything...or anyone

I feel liberated

and really numb...


its cold

If I were a boy

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up to me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrooong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy


Best friend.....im working on it.....

it doesnt matter if you can sing

what matters is how loud you can sing






he will never cease to amaze me.


<3

we can only run so far

running
faster than
tears can
faster than
fall
faster than
heavy hearts can lift heavy lids to see sleep in the distance
to never reach its destination
till its your eyes that are filled with images of why it should hurt
but it does more than enough to make you forget that its not worth
the emotion
but still it tears and so you pant away your regrets into a pillow case thats become your bestfriend till you see her
lying face down in her bathroom
trying to hear the sound of hope
dwindling in the next window

hope in the next window
open the next window

let the door shut so you can leave this bathroom.

Low

he wants to have sex with me
breathly strokingly petting fingering poking me
slowly physically imploring me boring me
with his talk of good sex big penis and
moan stories
sorry i don't mean to demean your "manly glory"
last time i got wet was when i stepped in the shower
HOMMIE
and only thing that feened and pleaded

was the shampoo bottle


rinse

lather

wash

and repeat as needed