This past week was everything I couldn't begin to correct.

None the less. Im thankful.

People have told me that things happen for a reason.

Despite the person I feel I am. I shouldn't have made the mistakes I made. Cause I knew better. That being said....maybe there's a reason to all this.


Until I can figure it out I've been trying to piece back together the remnants of an older me. So far so good.

I miss my best friend. love

ponder-ro-sa

im beginning to think.

This will probably as close as we'll ever get. Cause we rarely have moments like this and honestly...it's better for me. At least we'll have the same blanket of stars. We can always be best friends

Pieces

i forget that we're so fragile sometimes. i keep thinking today ill be as hard as a rock. I mean "What can happen?" that you haven't already gone through already. so we go through the motions. as always you're the boy. Im the girl. YOU meet me...cause god knows im shy as hell to meet you. of course there's "the where do you go when you've already been here before?" many times over...with different people. I try and go down a different path of getting to know someone each time. I've fed the ducks at the lake....biked around lake las vegas....walked the strip drunk....watched family guy on a laptop in the car.....listened to music under the stars.....had a slumber party by the pool...showed up at your garage where you park your car and wrote a letter telling you that though you've been gone the whole day and worked all night...I thought about you during these times of the day (breakfast, doing my hair, working) so you had something to smile about after a long day.....all to show that in the search of finding out about the real you...you'll find my genuine interest and my dedication to the effort...to show just cause you're not the first boy I liked...and you might not be the last....at least you know i put in so much of myself to make you feel special cause i feel special with you. Not because i run through the sweet nothings like its nothing.....but because i like those same sweet nothings..and this is part of me I hope you'll like too. I forget how incredibly delicate this process is cause at any given point ,we're moving like a jenga puzzle, you take a little off the foundation in hopes of reaching that higher plain with someone that eventually it all comes crashing down. Depending on their being enough to build back on or it totally obliterating itself. I find that...with you I try my best to break the mold.


in the end......


i might make or break


but hopefully at least you'll know i tried.

beyond

beyond us beyond you and i
is the progress weve made
past problems weve solved
and things we said and didnt have to say
paragraphs of things we left out
plus things we shouldve mentioned
and many other things
that we never could have made sentences for
though youre not around
i leave my heart clenched left
for someone else's problem to deal with
beyond you and i are alphabets of x's
whose names were many times aforementioned
drift away on memory's bliss
to lead on to our relationship's extension
through the time space continuum
that is beyond you and i
what could've have happened

and rests in me asking why... .

lets hear it

I couldnt have said it better no one can.Its almost too much to take in when you stop trying to take everything else in. How many bottoms of shot glasses, beer bottles, and pong cups before everything fades to black? How many times can our faces get sore from smiling so hard, our stomachs clench from laughing too much, and your eyes tear from a combination of the both? How many places in this city bring back memories? How many times do you climb in a car and realize that so much has transpired in a space that probably 4 by 7? Its the moment we take in and so far i can't believe Im keeping track of it all. Maybe im suffering from the loneliness of not having my friends around, or maybe its the closing date whatever the case may be I treasure it all. I know who I am....and who I become because of the people I surround myself with. Thankful. Blessed.

It might not be enough...to just say goodbye.

I really wish you could see what ive become today
far reaching star
reaching believing more in me
taking jumps and leaps
finding struggles beautiful
and solutions the hard way
recall the way you say
that you couldnt see me pick myself up
well
i can say
to you the same
i remember when we sang a different tune
told a different story
remember when you would fight for me
in all your glory
find my heart steadily waiting in your hand
my mistake
you were just like every other pussy seeking man
just the same as everyone else
just the same as people who make girls hate themselves
just the same
the only difference
is the approach to my to take away my innocense
forgive me
if you are irrelevant
but now that i think of it you never really mattered to me
...and i never really mattered to you

you never got what you wanted

neither did i.....

Cause for Concern

I am unhappy with myself.


there...no need for denials....or excuses